Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
