Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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