She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
