when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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