is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
