i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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