he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
