girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
