Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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