Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
