you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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