Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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