fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
