So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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