omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
