Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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