AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
