My Higher Power is John Stamos
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
