I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
sarcasm needs its own font
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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