Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
