He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
