a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
