i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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