Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize