did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
