I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
