We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
