i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
