and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
