just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
