I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
