I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
