Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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