Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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