I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
