i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
