You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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