Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
