wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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