Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
