his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
