dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
