Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
