I just threw up on my dentist
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
