What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
