i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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