Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
