I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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