you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
