i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
